Boxes
July 6th, 2011
I love that place. It’s in the middle of the city, an old, fancy building, with big windows and a theater downstairs. I like to get there early and watch the people passing by, from above. I like to watch the building in front, see every balcony, discover different life styles. I’ve noticed the man living on the second floor, making his bed in his underwear. I’ve noticed the old lady at the third floor who comes to the window every day at the same hour. I’ve noticed the old blankets in the house near hear and the old things belonging to an elderly couple, I guess. I’ve noticed the abandoned apartment from the corner, with dead plants in the pots and dusty blinds at the windows.
It’s quiet and I feel away from everything…
And also the people who pass by on the tiny street. I see them too. And I see how the seller from the clothes store comes out, to smoke her cigarette. And how the clerk from the cheese store sits on the car in front of the shop. I see how people fight, how they smile, how they talk on their phones, how they eat kebabs or how they ride their bikes. And I imagine a story for every single one of them.
Today I just closed my eyes and listed to the city, from that window. And actually its rumors were not that bad.
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Moonlight
April 18th, 2011
I was thinking that no matter how big your dreams are and no matter how far you’d go for them it means nothing if you do it by yourself. It’s same as the promises that you hope for until the last minute, and even after they are broken. It’s similar with the feeling of not being special anymore, like you aren’t able to touch the skies anymore. Yeah, it’s great to be on top of the world but it also feels like nothing if you aren’t able to drag that someone else with you.
And there are millions of questions, millions of ideas, of sleepless nights with moist eyes and shaky hands. Like waking up at five am after a nightmare and staring at the ceiling, with the gentle moonlight covering your face. Like you’d wanna touch it, feeling that blue light, covering your sweaty body like a perfect suit. At that time of the dawns, when the day fights the night again, you feel how everything is possible, even the fact that the winner is the dark. And you close your eyes comforted by the idea that everything is true. And all of a sudden, you are back dreaming on top of the world, keeping his hand tight and never letting it fall or get lost again.
But when the day comes and the sun is up on the sky, you realize that you’re just an ant, unable to rise itself from the dirty ground. And all you’re left with are tears and broken promises. And long waiting lines, thinking when your turn will come and when you’ll be able to really hold that hand in your hand. And after getting your five minutes of glory, go back at the end of the line, waiting again to feel special…. even for 5 minutes.
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Question
April 10th, 2011
How far are you willing to go for your dreams ?
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Unnerved
March 24th, 2011
I was thinking the other day about life and I was wondering what’s the point of fighting and investing in ourselves if the paths we follow make us decide between our dreams and our souls. It’s funny and ironic in the same time how our so called “life” is playing us on it’s fingers, making us believe, hope and fight for… what ? What if everything is just destiny and our faith is decided way before we are even born ? And how anyone can be happy while struggling to touch happiness ?
There are people who dream, people who fight, people who let go, people who go as it is and people who don’t care. Every single one of us was born on a certain channel that helps communicate with people that are on the same frequency but can’t possible understand others. The capability of the brain to cope with inferior ranks is almost impossible, same as the converse. That’s why as higher as your level is, as less happy you’ll be. Special people, creators, were never understood by the masses. Brilliant minds are always marginalized. The equations is quite simple, as far as I realized. As much you invest in yourself and fight hard for higher aspiring as less happier you’ll be. Knowing things and being able to think logically will make you ask yourself more and more questions that in the end can never be answered. And it’s logical cause it always happened like this, as long as this world’s been here. How else would us have evolved ?
Sometimes I wonder how’s best… to be ignorant and happy or to care but in the aim for happiness to be a failure ? And this is questionable also because failing can have different connotations depending on the level you’re at. I look around every day and I see simple faces doing same things every day, caring for nothing but themselves. For them, happiness is so simple… they don’t have existential problems cause they can’t think beyond their own life. They don’t care about being complete cause they don’t know what that means.
Sometimes I wonder why I think so much and why I try to find answers that don’t exist… I see fantastic things with the eyes of my mind that I wish to turn into reality. I tend to take a peak into the future and see myself exactly as I dream to be. I don’t believe in coincidence and I think that everything happens for a reason. We are our own destiny and our job is to gather all the courage in us and start making steps for creating a better future ! Our future, bright and sunny, where happiness is in the simple smell of a hyacinth, or in the shiny sunny beam touching our face, or in the dew playing in the grass beneath our bare feet.
I wish choices would never be as hard as they are right now. How can anyone choose between his soul and his dreams ? And why do we need to go from agony to ecstasy and back when we want something ? The equilibrium of the world, the ying and yang, the sun and the moon… it’s never the same. Harder for some, easier for others. And as strong as you are, the bigger the storm you’ll get caught into will be.
So in the end… where’s all the fun ?
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Remedii
February 12th, 2009
O picatura de ploaie in desert…. o raza de soare ce strapunge cei mai densi nori si ajunge pe pamant sa mangaie capsorul ghiocelului primavara…. un boboc de trandafir ce isi desface petalele in fata ta…. o melodie la radio ce vine exact la timp ca sa-ti aline sufletul…. un zambet ce incalzeste o dimineata rece de iarna… perechea de ochelari gasita dupa doua zile de cautari disperate…. aparitia curcubeului dupa o furtuna ce parea ca nu se mai termina…. un val ce se scurge pe plaja pustie iarna… o ciocolata oferita unui copil sarac…. vocea plina de bucurie a unui vechi prieten…. o gresala intampinata cu un suras… o bere rece intr-o zi torida de vara…. cantecul ratacit al unei privighetori ramase peste iarna…. plimbatul de unul singur intr-un hipermarket la o ora matinala, cand nu e aproape nimeni…. un film bun acompaniat de o cana de ciocolata calda cu biscuiti inveliti in ciocolata…. mirosul unui parfum de firma pe bluza ta… o poveste din copilarie citita din nou acum…. un powerpoint cu catelusi care iti transmit cu totii sa zambesti…. o floare primita de la un om pe care nu il suferi…. o muzica buna in semi-intunericul unei camere pustii… un apus de soare incandescent…. o singura stea vizibila pe cerul inorat… o dezbatere filosofala despre sensul vietii… un vis visat cu ochii deschisi… o partida de biliard castigata incontestabil… un accest fracez ce iti gadila simtul auditiv… o voce calda ce vine din aparatul de radio, care pare ca iti vorbeste doar tie… un mail primit de la un amic de care nu mai stiai nimic de ani de zile…
Un zambet, un suras, o privire, un gest, un sunet, o atingere….
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